21st June - Luang Prabang to Vang Vieng

When we had been looking at buses from Louang Prabang, we noticed that they did something called a VIP bus for a few extra dollars. At a distance I'd commented that the picture of it looked like an ARRIVA bus and on closer inspection, it actually was. Not that ARRIVA are operating in Laos, they'd obviously just nicked the picture from the internet because it even said 'Southend-on-Sea' or something like that on the front. Anyway, it was still more expensive and so we didn't catch it but the picture had made me smile.

So, we took the non-VIP minibus to Vang Vieng and it was so cosy that we started making some of the friends that we were going to spend the next few days with. There was a younger English couple called Paul and Alex, and a Belgian guy called Yens - who we got to know a little better during an impromptu stop when we stood outside the bus waiting for a road to be rebuilt and retarmaced along the route.

We ended up in the same hotel as Yens and went together to explore the town a little bit more. Despite being famous for being a party town where drunken tourists can tube down the river, Vang Vieng is actually in a very attractive area, surrounded by cloudy karsts and stunning scenery and so we didn't need to walk far out of the main area to appreciate the beauty of it.

After some food and a few beers we decided to take a closer look at the clubs across on the little island. We were the first people there so we sat in hammocks with our promotional 'buckets' and watched the drunken tourists start to arrive. It still wasn't particularly busy but once the fires were lit and a few people were dancing, it started to feel more like we were expecting.

Not that this was particularly fun for Matt, who headed off to bed while I got more into the spirit of it all. A few hours later, after a particularly memorable few minutes of dancing to Madonna in the pouring rain, surrounded by blue sparkly lights and fires, Jens and I grabbed some food and headed back to the hotel - where I went to bed clutching a sandwich for Matt. He must have been tired though because I couldn't rouse him - so I picked out all the best bits and went to bed.

20th June - Louang Prabang

For some reason last night was a restless night and so when the alarm went off at 5am, my desire to see the alms procession was overcome by my desire to get some more sleep.

We had arranged to go and spend some time at a waterfall with Sam and Nick last night and so met them around lunch time to take the long tuk tuk journey there.  There was a bear sanctuary there and though it was good to see the bears that had been rescued from miserable lives of 'dancing', fighting and general abuse, it was still distressing to see their repetetive and peculiar behaviours.

There were quite a few people swimming in the nearby waterfall and we watched people swinging from a tree into the water. I was particularly taken by a Japanese lady who did the jump wearing a pink rubber ring. I'm not sure the ring helped much as she hit the water because she came up looking rather shocked and disorientated.

After plucking up the courage to climb into the freezing water, I was glad to have the Isle of Wight sea shoes that Rachel bought me so I didn't have to cope with the sharp rocks underfoot too (Ta Rach!). After a short swim and a sit under the waterfall with Sam, we climbed back on to dry land and had a wander around some of the other waterfalls in the area.

The biggest waterfall had a path that led to the top of it and we decided to have a look. It was more of a scramble than a walk in places and although Nick skipped ahead like a monkey-man, the rest of us laboured behind. I was determined to get to the top and left Matt and Sam behind with my bags - it was a good job I did because I couldn't even hold my towel on properly and so ended up scaling the hill in just my bikini.

Much to my disdain, even though I made it to the top I could not get to the only bit where there would have been a view over the waterfall without wading through bigs pools of water and making my shoes all wet and muddy for the descent. Given how slippery it already was, I was glad that I hadn't. Especially when it started raining on the way down.

By this time Matt had decided to swim after all and slipped into a deserted pool near a smaller waterfall. After joining him quickly to wash off the sheen of sweat, we headed back towards the car park where the tuk tuk driver was waiting for us - along with some other passengers who'd ridden there on bikes and didn't fancy the ride back.

Due to the general problem of a lack of change that seems to plague anyone who sells anything in Laos, there was some confusion over money that meant that we nearly cheated the tuk tuk driver. Luckily, we'd stood for a while making arrangements and so were still only meters away when he realised the mistake. After lots more confusion and money swopping we were fairly sure that if anyone was out of pocket it was us and not him.

After a chat with my mum, we booked our bus and headed to the night market. This time we were late rather than early and so many stalls were packing up but this was probably for the best because there were lots of lovely things that I would have been tempted by. We have resisted many beautiful things so far but I did give in to a lightshade. It was made of real flowers pressed between paper and looked subtle and delicate. However, he way the flowers illuminated and glowed with colour when they were put near the light filled me with such emotion for my family that I'm amazed I ony left with one.

19th June - Luang Prabang

The alarm didn't go off and so when I woke up it was already light and we had missed the monk's procession. It happens every day though so we planned to go another day.

After a quick walk up to town for money and breakfast, we changed hotel to Villay Vanh. They'd been so nice to us the day yesterday when we were waiting for Jordan and Belinda, and had such a lovely bed and air-con that I couldn't resist. We made the most of it and chilled out on the balcony during the heat of the day, enjoying the free coffee, bananas, star fruit (ynummy!) and water.

We ventured out again with the intention of seeing some of the many wats in the town. We took a nice walk up the hill to That Chomsi stupa. We didn't go right up the stupa itself but we did take a walk round where there was a (giant) footprint of Buddha's and a shrine in a cave, as well as bomb casings being used as plantpots.

We also visited Wat Pha Mahathat and took some time to admire the decorative carved friezes that adorned the outside. A monk came and opened up the doors and windows of the main room and we saw detailed paintings depicting the life of Buddha curving around the walls, as well as an altar with countless tiny Buddha's worked into every detail.

We were back in town in time for the night market to start setting up again so we stopped for food at one of the buffet style stalls. Like all buffets the world over, the food looked great but was reassuringly disappointing and so we left feeling a little bit grubby and oily.

After a nice, long chat with my mum, we joined the Miriam and Amber in a little bar/guesthouse called Mojos. It was a million miles away from any bar called Mojos that I've ever been to and was a nice mix between classy and cool. We enjoyed watching some of the musicians there and were impressed that the Kiwis played the banjo and sang even though we missed the performance because we were out trying ot find Nick and Sam. I liked the idea that they had bought one while they were travelling and were teaching themselves songs as they went along.

By chance, Nick and Sam wandered past just as the musicians were winding up for their 10pm curfew and the Kiwis were thinking about going home to bed ready for another long leg of their journey the following day and so we ended up in a bar called Utopia.

We couldn't believe how full it was considering that everyone there must have had to walk past our guesthouse to get there. It was very much the place to be and Matt and I felt far too uncool to be there but we did enjoy catching up wth Nick and Sam again.

18th June - Nong Khiaw to Luang Prabang

There was still no working ATM so we scrapped together our last US dollars to change for the fare to Louang Prabang and walked the long road to bus station.

The minibus had a reasonable amount of room at first but soon became more clautrophobic as more people squeezed on and contorted themselves into the small spaces that were left. It didn't improve any when the kid in front of us threw up all over but it didn't seem to shake her mother at all and it was soon all cleared up and forgotten.

We arrived at bus station , helped unload the chickens from the roof and talked a songtheaw driver into taking us into the town for little bit of money we had left. As soon as we stepped off, we bumped into the Kiwi girls, Amber and Miriam and arranged to try and catch up later.

After checking into the nearest guesthouse, Villa Aphay, we found an ATM but were still left without much cash because we pressed the wrong button and payed all the stupid fees for just a few quid. It's easy done when there are so many noughts on everything. Just $122 makes you a millionaire in Laos kip. We did manage to get a sightly better rate on our Dong though and so cashed that in too.

The absolute highlight of the day was managing, after a fair bit of faffing, to catch an hour with Belinda and Jordan, who I met on my mega-trip from Cambodia to Chesterfield when I came home. I could not have asked for a greater source of comfort after I'd said my goodbyes to Matt and took my first step on the long journey home. Their kindness and companionship kept me afloat all the way to Bangkok and I was overwhelmed by how much they did for me just by being there and being them.

After yesterday's news it just seemed so appropriate that they were there again. It somehow felt like I had come full-circle from when I had seen them last and, despite the sadness of the situation, I was delighted to see them just before they headed home to the US themselves.

We spent some time exploring Louang Prabang in he afternoon and trying to unearth the charm that many people find there. We walked by the river a while, looked in some windows and saw the start of the night market but headed back before it got started properly as I wanted to Skype my mum and we were intending to get up early to see the monks receive their alms at 5am.

17th June - Nong Khiaw

Today I received the bad news that I had been hoping would not come. It was very difficult to be so far away from my family and I would have done anything to be with them. I could only be thankful that they all know how much I love them and appreciate them for all they are.

There's nothing else to say here other than that Matt was his usual wonderful self and stayed close by my side as my head spent time back home with my loved-ones.

16th June - Nong Khiaw

Matt woke up earlier than me and opened the door for some air and so I spent a very pleasent hour or two dozing off and waking up to the karst view outside our door.

We spent the rest of morning blogging on the balcony and munching on fruit. We later discovered that, contrary to what we had heard so far, Laos food can be very tasty indeed. We found a lovely restaurant that was run by a local guy who spent some time chatting to us and answering our questions. He told us that businesses in Laos pay a fixed fee for tax every month, regardless of how much money they make and so sometimes he had to go back to rice farming to make the money to pay the bills. Considering how many restaurants there are even in this small place, and how few people are currently here in the low season, it must be hard for most of them to make ends meet.

Unfortunately, our surprise ATM had a further surprise for us and was now out of order and so we were on very limited funds. Luckily for us, you don't have to spend much to enjoy a balcony view and watch TV series on the laptop so we took advantage of this.

15th June - Muang Khua to Nong Khiaw

In the morning I flooded my 2nd  room in two weeks. I didn't notice that the shower water was hitting the door and running out into our bedroom. Unfortunately, Matt didn't notice either until he went to pack his bag and realised it has soaked up some of the huge volume of water that was now on the floor.

Despite the boat not being due to set off until 9.30, one of us had been told to be there at 8 so we made a quick getaway and trooped down to the river but the ticket booth wasn't even open.

We joined Lucy, Vince, Nick and Sam for breakfast and had our first taste of how long it takes to get food in restaurants in Laos: Thirty-five minutes after we'd ordered, my baguette turned up and had to wait alone for a little while until my omlette arrived. When it did, I noticed that the baguette was yesterday's and too dry to eat. I took it to the waiter just as the restaurant were receiving a new delivery of bread and he was passed some fresh ones by the owner. He then walked past me, took my baguette off the plate and continued into the kitchen! Several minutes later he wandered over with one of the baguettes on a different plate. By this time I'd eaten my omlette and we needed to get down to the river.

The boat journey was ok and initially much more comfortable than a bus but after an hour or two, we all started to get very numb bums. Matt and I ended up snuggled up on the floor at the back of the boat with a minority woman who was very nice to us and really enjoyed the lollies and sweets that Sam kept handing out.

We chugged noisily down the river amongst mist veiled karsts and beautiful scenery. It was a cloudy day and it had rained for the whole night so was also much cooler than usual, which was a blessed relief when more people started to cram on further down the river.

 

We left Miriam and Sander at Muang Ngoi - a village that we had planned to stay at until we met the abondoned American yesterday - and they were replaced by a family of three. We nearly got left behind ourselves anyway because we'd had a loo break and they were just setting off as we ascended the steps to the river.

We arrived Muand Khua maybe 4 or 5 hours after we set off and crossed the bridge to look around for a place. The first one we saw had bungalows overlooking the river with little balconies with a hammock (and wifi at the restuarant nearby of course!) so we stayed there.  Sam and Nick were with us and so we negtiated a cheaper rate and got some nice next-door-neighbours to chat to over our balcony. There was also a surprise ATM there so we could get some money out at some point and wait to change our Dong until we got to a bigger town.

After food and a massive downpour we went for a walk to try to get to some caves we'd read about but the mud was sticking the bottom of our shoes so much that we got taller and taller and couldn't plant our feet properly.  We resolved to try again when the ground was dryer and headed back to wander around the village itself a little more.

We wandered both sides of the river until it got dark and we didn't want to venture out into the wilderness too far. We stood and looked for the stars we'd heard were magnificent if viewed from the big concrete bridge but it too cloudy. Instead we spent a pleasent evening on our balcony reading books before Matt went to bed early.  Sam and Nick came back shortly after so I shimmied over to their balcony and got to enjoy a beer and a chat for a while.

14th June - Dien Bien Phu to Muang Khua (Laos)

We slept better than we had in a few days and woke up at 3.30am feeling ok but a bit foggy. 

After showering and packing I was hungry and had time time to mull over the aesthetic difference between Matt's maggots and my 'caterpillar' (why does that sound rude?)  and so considered giving the lychees another bash. I picked up the bag to pluck one out and was very startled when suddenly it started shaking extremely vigourously and I saw something green furiously wriggling about. I screamed and hurled it, trying to mentally process the overnight transformation of the caterpillar. As it landed, I was relieved when a familiar gecko scurried out and under the bed.

We were over at the bus-stand early and bagged a seat with ample leg room. There's always the risk of having a huge sack of rice or someone elses bag shoved under your legs and so filled the space with ourselves and our hand luggage and hoped for the best. People did keep shoving massive boxes and other objects at us through the window but most of the time, we passed it on and it disappeared out of the dorr and on to the roof.

The bus was mostly full of Westerners and we chatted to Nick and Sam from the UK for a while. Many of the people on the bus has travelled with them from Sapa the previous day and so there was a general air of comfortable silence.

The border crossing from Vietnam was fairly straighforward although they tried to send Matt off without giving him his passport back because they thought the picture on his was of a girl! The Laos border crossing was much more long-winded and they kept trying us all for additional 'fees' and holding our passports to ransom. It wasn't very expensive but it was annoying and Matt and Nick were the last bastions of stubborness and so did a little male bonding.

We took a lunch stop at a little cafe and debated changing some money with the bus driver but decided to hold out for a better rate and so payed with Vietnam Dong. Unfortunately, I came across a manky tofu which exploded in my mouth and covered my tongue with foul-tasting liquid which refused to budge and so I found myself wishing for green peaches again.

Upon our arrival at the village of Muang Khua, we were made to alight from the bus and watch a man travel across the dividing river on the ferry - a floating platform clearly designed for buses and trucks which was pushed by what looked like an old US patrol boat and guided by a cable system. We were then crammed onto a tiny boat with all of our bags and charged to be rowed across.

We were met by a mature American guy who was hoping we would be taking an onward boat trip down the river to Nong Khiaw. He'd been in the village for a week just waiting for someone else to come so that the boat would run. We suggested we might all do the trip the following day and he receommended the hotel where he'd been staying.

We still didn't have an Laos Kip so our first stops were frustrating attempts to change the stack of Dong we'd had to bring because we were out of dollars. The exchange rate was terrible but we had no choice - who would have thought a bud-driver would offer the best rate?

We checked into hotel with most of our other fellow bus passengers and after a shower and a rest on the communal balcony, went to explore the tiny village a little more. There wasn't much to see but we did brave the suspension bridge, which shook, swayed and clanked quite scarily as people sped past us on mopeds.

The road we had travelled on was still being built and so we watched the locals clearing trees by hand and sitting watching the big digger clearing a passage through the hills, as kids on bikes made a BMX-style track over the progress they'd already made.

Back at hotel we chatted on the balcony with our bus-mates: Miriam and Amber (2 Kiwi girls who were biking around Asia), Lucy and Vince (a french couple in their last 2 weeks of a year-long trip), and Sam and Nick (both nurses from the UK).

Went for a drink and were joned by our last 2 bus friends, Miriam and Sander. They were only travelling a few weeks a much bigger budget than us and so had checked in elsewhere. They both had interesting jobs and we discussed Miriam's work as a Communications Specialist (one of the top 5 or 10 in Holland apparently) and Sander's work as a radio DJ and general media darling before heading back to get some rest before our boat journey the following day.

6th June - Hanoi

In the morning Matt had fun trying to print off some posters to advertise the bike while flooded the bathroom. This wasn't at all intentional but was quite funny. I think I've mentioned the 'bidet' type attachments that they have in Asia, which are basically trigger-operated pressure hoses to be used instead of a toilet brush and also in the absence of toilet paper. Unfortunately, the pipe of the one in our bathroom had persished and sprang of very powerful leak which shredded the hose further and left me soaking wet, gasping for air and wondering what I could do from a remote back room of the 4th floor with no telephone down to reception. Luckily, there was a stopcock on the shower that did the trick and I got changed out of my drenched clothes and traipsed down to reception to report it.

We spent most of the rest of the day searching the many bag stalls for a Timbuk2 bag that Matt had spotted on our way past as we headed back to our hotel yesterday. Though he maintains that he didn't imagine it, we couldn't find it and so Matt started the first of a series of negotiations regarding a different one that he quite fancied.

To keep myself entertained, I considered buying some doughnut-type things from one of the very persistent woman who walk around with baskets of them hung around their necks. She tried to charge me $5 and I was just in the process of bargaining when we were surrounded by a bunch of Malaysians all trying to talk to me, her and each other. It got very confusing and when Matt turned around -  it looked as if I'd started a bit of a riot. I ducked out, had a quick chat about Malaysia with a nice couple from the group and the bag-search continued.

The next few hours were spent discovering the joys of 'bia hoi' in a very cheap place in the old town. I'm sure one of us has mentioned it before but if not, it's a beer that is brewed fresh every day and served at outdoor stalls. We were paying 5000 dong per glass (about 30p) and it is just perfect for hot weather - it's not too strong, very pleasant and occasionally very cold. It's also about half the price of water!

A nice man in the the bia hoi place helped me learn some Vietnamese words and how to pronounce them. They have 6 'tones' in Vietnamese and it's very easy to get it wrong and say something completely different to what you intended. He also showed us a picture on his phone of a big English guy who had drunk a staggering (to this guy, not so much to English people) 17 beers. I'm hardly surprised when it comes to less than the price of a pint back home!

Later that day, we watched a lovely sunset over the lake then popped back to our hotel for a quick change (stopping in each direction for Matt to haggle with a bag-shop owner of course) before heading to the Water Puppet Theatre.

Water puppet theatre originated in the rice paddies of Northern Vietnam over 1000 years ago and puppeteers were originally male (they feared that women would take the knowledge away to their husband's families) and trained for a minimum of 3 years in the art form. 11 puppeteers and several musicians make up the one hour show.

We were lucky enough to get a seat in the middle of the 2nd row, next to an interesting Swiss surgeon who was in Vietnam volunteering for Operation Smile - an international organisation helping children with cleft palattes.

The 'stage' was set with a house perched on a body of water and the orchestra played their bizarre looking instruments for a while before a man came out and banged a gong to signal the entrance of the first set of puppets. I had read that the puppets were very realistic and since the man had a big papier mache head (in the style of Frank Sidebottom), I was initially very impressed by how life-like he was. When the tiny puppets appeared in the water in front of the house I realised my mistake.

The puppet show depicted typical events from the lives of rural people, including catching a frog and collecting coconuts, and was accompanied by music and singing. The show culminated in the puppeteers emerging from the house with lotus flowers and a big chinese dragon lit by black light. It was all very pleasent and was very much enjoyed by the few Vietnamese children amongst the many Western tourists.

Final price wars were undertaken on the way back to the hotel and Matt emerged the victorious owner of a $10 geniune Jack Wolfskin bag. We'll soon see how long this one lasts him!

12th to 15th April - Koh Mak

Baan Ing Kao was truly lovely and we had a fabulous time there. However, to save you all from endless mentions of relaxing walks down the beach and what-have-you, I'm am going to try a list of highlights and low-lights.

Highlights (in chronological order):

1) Finding a bikini - it's a bit skimpy but it's lovely. Navy blue with gold spots and red ties. Yay!

2) Seeing our cute little beach hut by the sea and its hammocks

3) Walking on the beautiful, empty, white sand beach, next to the blue, blue sea and swinging on a coconut tree.

4) Watching Matt try to get a coconut fresh from the tree

5) Seeing the sandbank across the sea where you could just walk to another beautiful island at low-tide.

6) All the scrummy food at Baan Ing Kao. We were quite far away from the rest of the resorts but didn't have to leave our haven unless we wanted to.

7) Waiting until the sun went down and then walking across narrow part of the island to get to the other side. It was deserted, the sea was incredible there and the sea bed was sandy and soft. We had to walk for ages until it got deep enough to swim and we felt like we had found a little piece of heaven.

8) Watching Matt get freaked by being stared out bu a tiny, inquisitive little fish that would not leave him alone.

9) Dragging Matt through the water back to the beach by his arm.

10) Saying hello to the old man who came to the beach with a beer and his dogs to watch the sun go down every night.

11) Getting to know a copke of Swedish guys, Atte and Jouko and Atte's Thai girlfriend, Noknoi.

12) Going to the temple for Songkran (more about that later) and then heading out in the back of the truck armed with plastic bottles with their lids pierced ready for the water fights.

13) Stopping for fuel at the 'gas station' where they manually had to crank fuel into the tanks before letting in run down a tube into the truck. (I am certain I could have been more technical about that.)

14) Going to the pub all soaked from water fights and having a few beers before playing the most antique game of table football I've ever seen. Matt and I spent most of our time tipping the table or blowing the ball when it ground to a sudden halt where neither player could reach it.

15) Meeting our Canadian friends Diane and Joe who we spent many happy hours and with whom I learned more about the Christian faith than I've even really understood before.

16) Swimming in the sea with Diane with Matt and Joe napped on the beach. Diane was fabulous and I've missed my girly friends so much that it was a real treat.

17) SEEING FIREFLIES!!!!  If they were in order of preference this one would be first! It was the first time I'd ever seen them and there were hundreds, maybe even thousands! They were all sparkly and mystical as they pulsed around the woods on the side of the path to the bungalows. I loved them! I'd gotten to the point where I suspected that peopel were just making them up to tease me and that they occupied the same realms as unicorns, leprichauns and dragons. I am so glad that they don't.
I was so excited that I lost my t-shirt! But I wasn't wearing it at the time.

18) Sitting in the shelter at the end of the pier, peeling a pineapple and looking into the sea below and around us.

19) Trying to find the signposted 'viewpoint' with Diane and Joe. We walked for ages and never came across it but it was a nice wander.

20) Doing yoga in the sun on the porch of the unoccupied bungalow next to ours. I would have done it on the beach but for the pesk sandflies!


Lowlights:

1) Slipping on a rock the first time that I went for a walk in my beautiful new bikini and getting laughed at my fisherman. I had to walk back all bloody and muddy.

2) Matt getting bitten by red ants as he tried to get a coconut fresh from the tree

3) Being too much of a wimp to cope with what was under my feet as I tried to cross the sandbank across the the beautiful island and not getting chance to go back with my wonderful sea shoes that Rachel bought me.

4) Being told by Atte about a horrific disease that you can get from shellfish after I'd been eating loads of the stuff. He lost the use of his legs for months and the brother of someone he knew died from it!

5) Finding out that plastic bottles were futile against the huge barrels of water being carried by other trucks on Songkran. Our opponants simply scooped and threw and we were soaked within seconds and totally unable to see where to aim ourselves.

6) Some of the barrels of water containing ice.

7) Finding out from the Dulcie (thank you Dulcie, you have beeen a real Godsend and we really appreciate it!  xxx) that Barclays have sent me a letter saying that they are now familiar with my complaint and are investigating. If they knew anything about my complaint then they wouldn't be writing to be at home would they!

8) Eating durian fruit in the shelter at the end of the pier. It is disgusting! It smells foul, it tastes like it smells and it clearly knows itself that it shouldn't be eaten because it's made itself so spiky and heavy that it's painful to handle! And yes, I know this isn't how natural selection works but I prefer to think that the durian fruit's ony redeeming feature is the fact that it tries to save humanity from just how rank it is.

9) Getting sunburnt in the shade of the shelter at the end of the pier, despite the fact that I was wearing the suncream that protected me during long, hot days in Greece. Damn the photosensitivy side-effect of Doxycycline!

10) Trying to dangle my feet in the water from the pier and getting cuts from the billions of barnacles stuck there.

11) Matt 'realising' (while I was in the shower) that he hadn't changed the flight from Singapore and that it was due to leave the following day and rushing out to find wifi so that he could Skype. I got out of the shower and panicked because he was wearing sandals and hadn't taken a torch and, thinking that he was walking miles down dark roads and through forests, both of which had snakes, scorpions and several other nasties,  ran after him wearing nothing but a towel and calling his name. There was no answer and I went to Diane and Joe's in a bit of a teary panic. Joe had just got his shoes on to come and help (I'm still not sure what we would have done really) when Matt turned up and declared that he'd found a wifi connection really close and that he'd already changed the flights anyway!

12) Not being able to speak to my mum on her birthday,
Phew, and I thought we hadn't really done much there! Imagine how much longer that would have been if it was written in continuous prose. You'd have been bored silly!

Now, just in case that wasn't enough, it's for a fuller account of our visit to the temple at Songkran:
We'd managed to get ourselves invited because Noknoi was a devout Buddhist and so had arranged to go to the temple with the family who owned the resort. Matt and I were looking forward to getting a bit more immersed in the culture after all of our beach hovering (I'd like to say 'lounging' but the sodding sandflies stopped all those shenanigans!) and it would be our first time in a temple during a ceremony.

I had woken up super-early with an allergic skin reaction to something or other and so was feeling quite spaced out and serene after watching the sunrise and comings and goings of fishermen, but at around 7am we all started to assemble.

Now the culture of Buddhism in these parts involves giving lots of offerings. Since our arrival in Bangkok we've seen spirit house of all shapes and sizes, given pride of place both indoors and out. From large, ornate, golden structures to simple doorstep arrangements, they usually have a little idol, incense sticks and an offering of food: we've seen everything from bottles of strawberry Fanta (including a straw!) to scraps of rice and meat on saucers. Our hostel in Bangkok always had fresh fruit which, when it was on the verge of turning, was deposited in the fridge for guests to eat and replaced with something better.

This is also extended at Songkran, when people take offerings of food to the temple to feed the monks. In the run-up to today, we'd been quite curious about the 'monk baskets' that we'd seen for sale in a number of places. Tesco had a load of them and we'd previously spent time poking them and wondering what use the monks had for some of the odd items contained within. We'd also seen lots of brightly coloured shirts on sale which we could only assume for for the same festival since we hadn't yet seen anyone wearing them.
Noknoi had made up her own monk basket including sensible things such as dried goods, soap and toothpaste but also had a selection of food and rice. We then saw the food that the family had assembled: bags and bags of curries and soups and other tasty-looking dished were collected together, along with a big bowl of rice, and deposited on the truck. We all climbed onboard, squidged up together and heady down the bumpy track to cross the island to the temple, stopping ony to collect one or two other people (and their food) along the way.

When we arrived at the temple, it was still fairly quiet but I was very careful to try to start putting into place all of the etiquette that I'd read up on such as entering the temple with the correct foot and positioning myself in such a way as to make sure my feet would not be pointing toward the monks. I am particularly scared of accidentally toucing a monk and making him endure days of cleansing and fasting rituals but I managed to stay clear of the one who took his sandals off next to me.

Inside the temple, the family joined other early arrivals,  transferring their bags of food to plates which were set on a low table in front of the main stage, and rejoining their familes, still holding their rice. Most people were still standing around and we were feeling awkward about what to do with ourselves but Noknoi told us to get settled and so we positioned ourselves on the matts on the floor and hoped that we weren't in anyone's way.

There were several people addressing the shrine in the corner of the temple and after they'd finished, Noknoi lit 3 incense sticks each for us and instructed us on how to hold them, bow towards Buddha and stand them in the pot of sand which held many other burning sticks. I always find these moments quite uncomfortable as I'm never sure whether it is more insulting to particpate in rituals I do no understand or believe in, or whether to make a bumbling effort to get involved. I realy do not mind either way and I do quite like getting involved but I am always so worried about offending people.

We sat back down and several monks filed on to the low stage at the front. Each of them crouched down and rested the cloth bag they were carrying on the floor, equidistant to one another, uncovering the large brass-looking bowls contained within. They wiped them carefully and arranged lids to the side before moving away again.

As more people arrived at the temple, with a range of colourful, flowered shirts finally on show,  they transferred their food the the ever-growing selection there. More tables were fetched, along with large trays on wheels, and the piles of food, drinks, fruits and sweets continued to pile up.

Each family then carried their rice to the front and placed a spoonful in each of the monk's bowls. It seems important that the family remained a 'unit' as they did this and we witness some quite comical shuffles as several adults and children held on to one another, and the spoon, and scooted their way along the row of 7 bowls.

After everyone had performed this ritual settled on the floor, the monks then came back in a sat cross-legged behind their bowls and returned the lids back on top. The second monk picked up the microphone and gave a short address in English directed at  Swedes and us and, although we could barely understand a word, we laughed and nodded along with the obviously kind and generous sentiment that he was extending.
The next period of time was a combination of talking, prayers and chanting. The chanting was just wonderful. I loved closing my eyes and letting the vibrations and rhythms undulate through me. I couldn't get my head around the prayers and talking though. Despite all the demonstrations of religious respect and reverance prior to this it seems that people didn't really take much notice of the monks when they were speaking.  Every time the head monk spoke or prayed, many people appeared disinterested and continued to chatter and communicate with one another. The family in front of us had bizarrely brought a tiny, skinny, half-bald, shivering laptop with them and gave most of their attention to entertaining it, clutching it and retrieving it after it scrambled from their arms. One of them spent most of the time fiddling with their Android phone and even took a telepone call half-way through a prayer. The monks didn't seem to mind so much though and remained focused on their blessings.

After this, we then watched and waited as each plate of food was loaded onto the trays and presented to the head monk, who took what he wanted and rolled the rest to the next monk in line. The food was served by the apparent leaders of the 'congregation':  the head monk recieved the food directly from the man but the woman was required to place the food in front of him so that he could use a cloth to retrive it. Each monk kept a separate pile for drinks and used the lid of their bowls as a plate for fruit but everything else went in their giant bowl together. I was fascinated (and a little squeamish) as they piled boiled eggs, curry, jam roly-poly, chicken and chilli, sweet jellies, fish and every other food there on top of the rice in their bowls. Another blessing later and they all tucked in.

Then came the free-for-all frenzy. Now the monks were eating, it was time for everyone else to grab what they wanted and sit in small groups of family and friends to polish off whatever was left. It was all surprisingly good humoured despite the fact that everyone seemed to have eyed-up and grabbed the dishes brought by other people. We were a little bemused at this point as we really weren't sure what to do but Noknoi got a few of the things that were left we sat down together to enjoy a few cold curries and stews for breakfast.
Afterwards, I followed Noknoi to wash the plates and return them to the big pile in the corner of the temple while everyone else filed outside. Songkran is a water and white powder festival and so were were expecting something along the lines of what we'd seen in Nepal but it was all very tame indeed. There were a few buckets of water and scoops placed around the *Bodyah* tree so that people could pour water into the hands of the large, cross-legged Buddhas surrounding it, and we were dampened gently on the shoulder or hands a few times but it was all very tame and respectful.

We poured water on the Buddhas and wished several people a happy Songkran before climbing back aboard the truck and heading back. On the way back we festivities started heating up slightly and we were pelted with water and talcum powder by a few passing jeeps and people assembled outside shops and hotels. More uncomfortable however, were the number of face lashings I recieved from the overhanging trees because I didn't catch the multi-lingual warnings and kept turning around at the wrong time!

Back at the resort, we changed our clothes and prepared ourselves to go back out and water battle! (See highlights and lowlights earlier)

11th April - Trat to Koh Mak

Opposite Da' Guy was a cafe called 'Cool Corner'. We'd eyed it up a few times because it claimed to have home-made brown bread (Oh, how I miss grainy loaves!) but hadn't quite made it there yet. Until this morning, when we entered into it's beautifully decorated interior with its wonderful paintings and quirky menus on CD and DVD cases and enjoyed the finest breakfast yet. Simple but delicious scrambled egg on toast.

We still couldn't decide on another island or Cambodia and so I extended my pleasure in my surroundings by undertaking my favourite past-time of reading the guest books. They were really useful for both alternatives and, with a little input from the lovely cafe lade, we eventually decided on Koh Mak.  We booked a catarmaran online, the lady in our hotel organised a free pick-up and by 1.30 pm we were on our way in a songthaew.

At the pier, we waited ages in the sun for them to load piles of produce before we were allowed on the boat. After a little snooze, a Thai lady behind us started a conversation that would lead to a few days of friendship. She said that her English-speaking friends called her Rose. I thought she said her name was Lois (oops) so I was glad I got her to write it down.

We had only booked one night in accomodation because it was Songkran weekend (Thai new year) and we were expecting to have to have a good look around because everywhere would be packed more than on the bank holiday.

I started chatting to a white guy on the pier in the hope of finding out somewhere else to stay but couldn't help noticing that his legs made my mosquito munching suffering look like a paper-cut. They were a mess. A pussy, infected battleground of scars, bites and pits that he was clearly aggravating more by standing there scratching. I asked whether he was catching the boat back to Trat and he told me he was waiting for produce for the restuarant where he was a chef. I quickly found out where he worked so we could give it a very wide berth!

There was no sign of a pick-up form our hastily arranged accommodation so Rose gave us a lift on the back of her truck, along with all of the fascinating fruits she's bought to stock up her shop.

We checked into our bungalow at Koh Mak Cottage after just a minor confusion. There were big, open spaces to let the mosquitos and crawlies inside and the bathroom like a slaughterhouse but we'd seen worse and it was right on the beach.

We walked along beach, having an explore and looking for somewhere else for the rest of the weekend. There was an equally cheap one (that we had to show ourselves around) with a slightly nicer hut but it was surrounded by lots of standing water so we weren't still weren't sure.

After checking out the length of the beach before it disappeared into the sea, we went for food at Rosie's mum's restaurant. When she found out how the search had gone, she called her friend's place, Baan Ing Kao. Within 15 mins they had sent a guy on a moped so Matt could go view it. He really liked it and booked one of their bungolows right by the water.

Back at the restaurant we ate disappointing food, including weird 'vegetable noodle' made with overcooked lasagne sheets and gravy. Rosie had assured us that it was the best but then went out and came back with something she'd bought for herself which looked loads nicer. She said it was because her mum was too tired to cook but I'm not convinced.

We bought a coconut from her stall and headed back to our bungalow, where Matt attacked it with a hand-held chainsaw from his dad, so I could eat the flesh. The saw said on the packing that it could cut through bone but, even though Matt did eventually get into it, I wont be employing the pair of them for amputations any time soon!

10th April - Trat

Waking up it looked like we'd avoided all of the potential nightime 'visitors' that our hut allowed access to. Nevertheless, since we'd taken a bit of a shine to Trat and had decided to stay another night, we took a look around for alternatives and found Da' Guy - which was very cheap and had a private bathroom.

Since Matt had sheepishly owned up to finally actually losing his hat for good in the songthaew we took yesterday, we ventured to the day market. There was a stall selling manufacturing samples of the hats from company uniforms and Matt was predictably enchanted. He was captivated by the McCafe or Chicken Shack ones but I reminded him of the Chairman Mao bag and the fact that people could not read his mind and eventually convinced him that no-one would know he was being ironic. Having spent several tortorous and laborious months shopping for hats with Matt before, I gave him a time limit. The end result was his selection of a black cap with a sports logo on that neither of us could recognise. Which reminds me, I really must take a picture to see if anyone else out there can help us to identify it. Though please tell me rather than Matt so I can can judge whether it's going to make him want to get rid of it and buy a new one!

Still on the search for swinwear so I could avoid any more primary-school-reminscint underwear sunbathing, we asked the lady at the guesthouse where we could buy a large bikini. She was convinced there was a shop that would sell them and drew it on our (already hand-drawn) map. We walked around all afternoon looking for it (and yes, I am a hypocrite but Matt did misplace his hat at least once!) but couldn't find it. The nearest we got was a store called Chickee where we were attended by a tiny lady with HUGE boobs and disturbing bright blue contact lenses in. They had no bikinis with tops to fit but had some larger looking bras so I gave them a look while we were there. Bizarrely, their bras only had one size measurement on them and when I tried to unsuccessfully determine whether the number referred to rib size or cup, I struggled to make her understand. Determined to make myself understood, I then tried to use the attendents unlikely frame as a reference point and we left very shortly after that before it got any more embarrassing.

As we searched further, we came across a lady selling sugar-cane juice. It was (unsurprisingly)  too sweet and (more suprisingly) made me incredibly silly. Unusually, I had been craving sweet drinks though so on the back of coconut juice, chocolate soya milk, iced-coffee, (Thailand's own invention) Red Bull, perhaps it wasn't so surprising that I ended up as giddy as a schoolgirl as we walked around our last-ditch attempt of Tesco - where there wasn't a single bikini to be found.

As we headed past Trat department store on our way back, we decided to try and work out my bra size in a more conventional way. I soon regretted this. The lady measured me and then spent the next half hour passing me massive looking, over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder type affairs; none of which fit me. I decided to stick to my sports bra after all.


After dinner at the night market, we spent several hours sat outside trying to make cards on Moonpig. While Matt was doing his technical bit, I had decided to investigate why mosquitos find us so damn attractive. Unfortunately, this led to following links about bed bugs (we've met several people who've been blessed) and subsequently led on to be being so paranoid that I could not settle. It really didn't help that our hours outside had led to countless bugs dropping off us when we sat on the bed and so we had to remove a whole manner of ants, beetles and general crawlers. Icky!

9th April - Koh Samet to Trat

We needed to move on but were in two minds whether to give Koh Chang a try because we'd heard many mixed views of its island delights. After taking the boat from Koh Samet to Ban Phe, we had the chance to get a direct minibus there but since we were being tight after splashing out on accomodation and didn't want to wait the half hour until it arrived, we took the public transport option: a songthaew from Ban Phe to Rayong bus station and then a bus to Chantibury.

It didn't take long until we realised our mistake. After a bried spell of watching Alien on the tiny, grainy TV in the bus station, out bus arrived: steaming. The driver calmy got out, opened the door to the engine and poured a bottle of water over it. Nevertheless, we were all herded on and charged our fare then left to wait a while while the bus took its time to start.

After engine cut-outs along the mai road, the driver pulled into a petrol station, fiddled with the engine, turned up the idle revs and then dusted his hands with satisfaction as the engine started more efficiently.

Finally arriving in Chantibury we were descended on by a very persisent taxi driver. He told us we weren't in enough time to catch the last boat to Koh Chang and though we weren;t sure whether to trust him, we didn't want a repeat of our Koh Samet arrival. We still weren't certain about going to Koh Chang and since we'd done things the ridicuous way, we decided to justify our journey by heading to Trat so we could make our way to Cambodia from there in the morning. You could also get to Koh Chang relatively easily from there just in case we changed our minds.

Despite getting a bit rattled by the snappy lady at the bus station, our bus to Trat arrived bearing cooling fans, a toilet and a nice conductor lady so I soon felt like a winner as we set off to Trat.

Arriving in Trat in darkness and having travelled several more hours than we woud have done if we'd just waited for the mimibus, a kind taxi driver pointed us towards the guesthouse area of the town. We looked at a couple but one called Tattoo had a cheap bamboo hut that Matt took a shine to so we stuck our stuff there. They also had a boxing ring and Thai boxing lessons that I was hoping to get a bash at at some point.
We's passed a night market when arriving so headed back there for food. They were  winding down but we stood around looking awkward enough for someone to help fix us a tasty noodle soup. We followed it uo with the first of many fruity iced drinks. I opted for passionfruit but when I tasted it, it was both sweet and salty. My initial disgust turned into a feeling of wellbeing as it replaced what the heat had stripped out of me and left me feeling revived.

8th April - Koh Samet

We'd decided to make the most of our guesthouse and it's location and amenities so slept late, showered and spent some time sitting on the beautiful balcony raised over the sea while I blogged. Lovely.

Lunch at Ao Noi Na was fabulous again and they forgot to make our food so we got scrummy pineapple crush freebies and enjoyed sitting by sea a bit longer.

We then headed back to the little private beach attached to our guesthouse for our first bout of sunbathing this trip. We hadn't seen anyone on it before and so were looking forward to relaxing in peace and tranquility and pretending we owned the place.

I'm not sure if they were attracted to our pasty bits but it didn't take long before we were invaded by tanned, lithe blondes. This was expecially bad for my self esteem since I still hadn't found a bikini and so had made my own from plain black pants and sportbra.

To make matters worse, it also wasn't long before I noticed a growing number of perfectly round, red, flat circles on my skin. And as soon as a spotted one of the little black flies filling up his rear end with  my lovely red blood I became a lot more aware of frequent sharp stinging sensations. Still, despite being a bit irritating at the time, they didn't seem to sting, itch or hurt after that so I stayed put until I looked like I had the chicken pox. Oh, how naive and foolish I was. Due to the fact that I don't think I've ever been on a beach holiday, little did I know of the horrors of sandflies. A few days later, the first day of a constant burning itch turned into over two weeks of living to regret my beach bumming!

We spent our evening having dinner at Ao Noi Na and chatting to Sammy and Beth, who we briefly met yesterday. They were doing a bit of holidaying on their way home from a year living in Hanoi. Sammy had taught English there so I picked his brains a little as to what it what like. He didn't recommend it but said the money was great.

They had spent the day on a different beach nearby and Sammy in particular was suffering from sunburn. Despite the fact Beth was humourless and did not appreciate my 'milky-arse' joke about the time I burnt my bum cheeks in Greece and had to sooth them with yoghurt, nor the thoughtless and sexually inappropriate comment I made on why I wouldn't want to have twin girls, we had quite a nice time and found out some recommendations for Cambodia. A few rounds of table tennis between me and Sammy also suggested that he enjoyed loosening up a lot more than she did.

7th April - Koh Samet

We had an early start to hire our first moped (automatic with Matt as the driver of course!) and set out to find a less stinky, less wonky place to stay. Since we weren't so fussed about staying on the busy beach, we headed inland a little.

We started off at a guesthouse called Tip Samed, where the guy wanted 800 for a fan room per night for a room we could not see. I asked a fella, Andy, who was just coming out of his room what it was like and he told me it was reasonable but that he'd seen a nice place further round, past the pier and closer to a different beach. He was a nice fella and we stopped to chat for a while. He was a similar age to us and him and his wife were in the dying throes of their own year long trip.

As we walked away, Matt mentioned that he didn't expect to bump into so many people traveling for a year too. I thought he was a bit naive at first and laughed at him for thinking he was going to be unique, but actually he had a point. You go to work every day and the fact that everyone else around you is there every day too (not so much every day in the case of Belper School but I'm sure you're still following) makes you believe that that's what everyone does and that it what is right. People may work different hours doing different jobs in different places and some of them are satisfied and happy but they all give over their lives to making money to keep everything afloat. But then you come away and travel and everyone else is also doing the same thing as you too. Different countries, different lengths of time, different interests and different ways of funding their travels, It's just that none of them seem to be paddling so hard to keep themselves afloat, they just seem to be drifting along on lilos.

Of course, many of these people are the priveliged and prepared childless traveller, but not all of them are. All of them however, see more choices than restrictions. They are more at ease with their days, months and years and none of them are moaning about any work they do have to do to continue doing what they want to do. We haven't met anyone yet who can't just say 'Enough' and go home if they want to, and have come across plenty of people who are looking forward to being back home. But, apart from missing our friends and family, we can't imagine that yet.

So, I had no right to tease Matt for thinking that work was all there was because work was all there was for him. I was the idiot who forgot this. So I'm sorry Matt, I'm a dufus, now let's get on with our story.

So we quickly found the recommended place and it was lovely. Nice atmosphere, lovely places to sit and relax and it's own private beach. They wanted 650 with air-con and shared bathroom so we snapped their hands off. In retrospect, just hope I had the sense to take a photo of it so you can see. We were quite enjoying our task and didn't need to check out of the stinky stilt shack just yet so we kept on looking down the road in case we wanted to stay another night.

Further down found Ao Noi Na Resort, run by an English guy named John and we chatted to him for a short while. His rooms were more expensive (though they were actual bungalows) and we couldn't stretch that far but since he assured us that his wife was a fabulous cook, we said we'd go back for dinner.

On the way back we passed Andy again and stopped to tell him we'd found the place he suggested. He was talking to a rather weepy looking young British girl who'd had some problems with her and her friends rooms and was desperately searching around for somewhere else.

We mentioned there were more places down where we'd just been and Matt offered to take her on the moped. She didn't look convinced and I reassured her that he wouldn't steal her. She said that she just didn't want to put us out and we insisted it wasn't a problem. As they rumbled away I couldn't help feeling like we had actually forced her into it.

Matt came back shortly after but without the girl in tow. She'd insisted on being left there and making her own way back. Matt had told her it wasn't necessary but started to feel a bit weird trying to convince her it wasn't a problem when she was so adamant.

Back at stinky stilt shack I stayed and did some blogging while Matt did the luggage run with the backpacks. He had to do them both seperately and then come back for me but was cleary enjoying himself.
After settling in at Tony's, perusing his menu and deciding we didn't fancy schnitzel or chips, we headed back to Ao Noi Na Resort for lunch. We bumped into a much happier Roxy who had found somewhere very cheap, almost oppositte where we were - though it was near a creepy cat shelter. She joined us for lunch and we soon found out that John was right about his wife's cooking. We sat on a table on the grass overlooking the sand and sea and chatted to Roxy about her adventures.

She'd travelled with a group of fellow Jerseyians and was happy to talk about Jersey and her experiencing travelling. She was a bit ditsy but really interesting to talk to. She'd had a job in Laos being a rep and no-one had told her how often she needed to work to earn her bed and board. After almost 2 weeks of constant drinking and promoting, she was totally burnt out. She also told us stories of how she's been ripped off in India and various other places. When she later said, 'Oh, you do have to pay to get out of Cambodia so make sure you have some money on you',  we didn't have the heart to tell her she'd been ripped off again.
The rest of the day was spent exploring the island on the bike. We headed over dirt tracks and to one of several other beaches, but wasn't as great as we'd imagined so went to find Ao Wai, which was apparently the best. After a while the roads got even more insane. The brakes were so hot and the grip so crappy that I had to climb off at every sleep incline and decline. We even quads turn back but we'd come too far to give up and so soldiered on.

We'd had to agree with the guidebook earlier when it mentioned that the island was being ruined by overdevelopment, despite its National Park status. It was quite dirty in places and people very much neglected it's beautiful shoreline. When we got deeper into the island we realised that what we had seen was nothing. It looked like someone occassionally collected all of the crap from the outskirts and dumped it in huge piles in the forests within. National Park indeed, it was more like India than Exmoor.

Ao Wai however, was definitely lovely and was probably stunning a few years ago. The beach was small and that made the range of resorts there looked like they'd just been piled on top of it. We played int he sea for a while and enjoyed the warm water and lovely views as well as having a swing in a hammock. I say 'swing' but it was so low that my bum touched the ground and made it even less comfortable!

The return journey was easier after the brakes had cooled and we had developed a taste for swimming and so spent sunset in the sea back at Had Saikey before returning the bike and walking back to our hotel along the beach front - our first leisurely stroll rather than sweaty errand-run.

We stopped at a nice restaurant for reasonable food and enjoyed lying on the traditional Thai loungers that we see everywhere, watching the huge moon in the sky and the people walking past.

On the way back we saw several fire shows, put on for the benefit of the customers in the beach bars. First we saw a troop of young boys performing tricks that were very impressive but that I found difficult to enjoy, since I'm not exactly comfortable with pre-pubescent boys being paraded down the beach every night to perform tricks for foreigners involving the inhalation of such quantities of petrol fumes. It was intoxicating for us and we were far away. Matt admitted that he thought the same but was mainly just envious of their perturbingly manly pecs.

Further down we saw a group of adult blokes doing a similar show. No complaints from me about the pecs here though!

6th April - Ban Phe to Koh Samet

We slept very late till 11, packed our bags and brunched at a place that should have been called Cafe Disinterested. The food wasn't great and Matt's pork wasn't cooked properly. He didn't really notice until the end of the meal though so we were expecting fun time when we got to the island.

We bought the ticket for the ferry to Ko Samet and seemed to have to undergo endless ticket validation, unlike all of the Thai people who were obviously off on their bank holiday jolly. Since Koh Samet is a National Park, we were also collared to pay the fee for this even though we didn't see anyone else paying it. We had read that a fee was needed though so weren't too worried about it. The worst thing was sporting the sticker that they insisted we wore but which made us feel like children.

We arrived at Had Saikaey pier where there was no sign of the 'free taxi' we were told was part of our fee so we just took the bouncy jeep. It turned out that the beach that the owner of Tawan had recommended was not too far away.

Many of the resorts and bungalows were directly on the beach so we spent an embarrassing 10 minutes stumbling in the sand and heaving our bags past all of holiday-makers and weaving between the sunbathers. It was too hot and uncomfortable so Matt left me with the bags while he went to search out some accommodation.

I waited so long that the lady fixing inflatable dinghies and toys on the beach started to feel sorry for me and I started to feel much sorrier for Matt. When he came back he told me that every place was so full that when he'd managed to find somewhere with a room, he'd taken it, even though the man had told him that it was normally 300 baht but he was going to charge him 500 for it because of the bank holiday. He warned me not to expect much.

A 15 minute trek later Sea Breeze bungalows looked very nice with their bright pastel colours and their wooden balconies. Matt led me down the path which cut through them, past some less swanky ones to the very, very poorest relation.

The room on stilts was a real sight. There were holes taped up with gaffer tape and the floor dipped in the middle so flimsy, stained dressing table leaned at a jaunty angle. Other holes were left uncovered and there was a pervasive smell of mould. The bathroom had no sink and the toilet had no flush so there was an old, large container with a bowl in it instead. To the room's credit there were some curtains with cheery slogans on.

We took a quick shower and grabbed our stuff to so down to the beach and make the most of the remaining sunshine. About 10 minutes worth as it turned out so we abandoned sunbathing, dropped our beach stuff back off and turned our attention to finding food instead. Luckily, Sea Breeze beach restaurant was better than Sea Breeze accomodation and we enjoyed some Pad Thai whilst watching to moon and listening to the sound of the waves.

The rest of the evening was spent wandering up and down the beachfront accomodation trying to find somewhere more suitable to stay on the following day. Everywhere was full or way out of our price range but at least we got a taste of the atmosphere in each place in case we wanted to visit any of their bars and restaurants later. There were some possibilities but most need checking out tomorrow.

Now we were in a holiday place, my practical travelling clothes felt somewhat inadequate and frumpy so we also checked out some bikinis and beachwear. I did bring a swimming costume but because it was the one I wore for swimming in Belper, it was extremely conservative and make me look about 50 compared to all of the other bikinied beach-goers. I'm not holding out much hope though since many thai girls are tiny. The usual responses from shop owners have ranged from the rather diplomatic, 'Only Thai sizes' to the rather more direct, 'No really big clothes'. Nice.

5th April - Bangkok to Ban Phe

We packed our bags, did some more planning and headed out to find lunch before we left. We were accompanied by the girl from the hostel again, as she was taking us to show us where to get 'the best papaya salad'. I left her and Matt at the stall as I went to collect the adjusted clothes but when I got back Matt was looking significantly pale and sweaty. He told me that he had just (discretely) vomited foam on a crocodile in the 'canal'. Well, he'd chucked up in the canal and had seen a crocodile at the same time but that doesn't sound as good. The girl thought Matt was just struggling in the heat and so sweetly sent us back to the hostel to wait.

The Doxycycline anti-malaria medication was blamed for the queasiness but it didn't help Matt much that the food was crazy spicy or that we were joined by Kathleen. She was passing time before she went on a date with the old expat guy she had told us about the other night but openly divulged various key facts about her sex life. She also told us about her adoption of a baby in Thailand many years ago and that was much more interesting and quite a tragic but heartwarming story of a different time. As the time came to meet her date, she unceremoniously said her goodbyes and trundled off without her 'walker' in an attempt to make herself more sexy.

Lauren turned up straight after. She was heading to Australia that day and was just having lunch before she left too so we sat for a while shared ideas of places to see before we all left for the Metro.

Now Bangkok Metro has the most useless security system in the world.  It beats the Hong Kong system of having a line of workers who side-step in front of the Metro doors after the warning beeps go to make sure that no-one gets stuck trying to squeeze past them. Apparently the trains do still set off and people have been torn from their limbs. It also beats the Chinese system of having an x-ray machine and a person to tell you to use it, even though most people just walk straight past. It even beats the Indian system of having a metal detector with enough space to walk around it and avoid it altogether. What Bangkok does is employ someone to stand at the entrance to every station and briefly check the top of your bag. Every person carrying a bag has to stop, unzip their bag and open it up so that someone can shine a torch into it and wave you through. There's no x-ray and not even a metal detector. They don't even make you remove any contents or unzip all of the compartments. They just salute you, shine a light on whatever is in the top of your bag and send you on your way. Every single person is checked but not a single one of them is even questioned. As long as they remember to put their bomb and their gun under their purse then they are considered to be secure.

Most of the time we found it comical, but when we have to unload our backpacks and find they key to unlock them just so someone can shine a torch on the carrier bag containing the dirty underwear that we have stuffed into the top, it becomes a bit of a pain.

We said goodbye to Lauren at the second stop and she continued to the airport while we made our way to the bus-station. Matt got his bum trapped in a speedy electronic gate and got a bit of a bruise but other than that it was quite simple.

The bus to Ban Phe (where we could catch the boat to Koh Samet island) was one of the better ones we have been on on our travels. There was somewhere to store our bags, there was cold-air blowing from the vents and they gave us a carton of water and a packet of 3 fake Jammy Dodgers. The children's version of a 'Pop Idol' type programme blaring on the TV was less than desirable but tone-deaf children warbling songs that sound awful even when they're sung well is not the worst thing we've had to deal with on public transport.

Unfortunately, we arrived at the town Ban Phe late so the town was already in darkness and the late boat had left. Leaving the pier, we were tired, hot and grotty and so took the first room we were offered and at the price we were offered. More fortunately, even though it was expensive for us, Tawan Guesthouse was clean and nice.

We freshened up and took a walk down the road to look at the beach on the mainland side. It was pretty dirty and not very nice to look at but there was a storm in the clouds over the ocean so we bought ourselves a beer from Tesco and sat down on a rock.

Back at Tawan, we shared a "rum" (I'm sure it was whisky) with owner of guesthouse and his boyfriend and they told us that no-one ever really goes in the sea from the mainland but that Koh Samet was better. It didn't have the greatest write-up in our guidebook though so we'll have to see.

4th April - Bangkok

For breakfast we thought we'd try the chicken place that Kathleen had recommended. Apparently he started cooking early in the morning and had sold out by lunchtime so breakfast was the best time to indulge.
The chicken stall stood on the edge of the stangnant 'canal' than ran the length of the street round the corner from our hostel. The smell of it barbequeing somehow overpowered the stench of the water and could make your mouth water from 100 paces.

On the way, we were chatting away when I suddenly felt something much bigger than the usual mosquito or ant bite my thigh. I yelped and turned round to see a brown dog, scurrying away and looking back at me with an odd doggy look on his face. It dawned on me what had happened and the sickness and panic set in.
Matt coaxed me back to the hostel and half a minute later I was stood in their foyer, snotty, sweaty and sobbing. I went to the toilet to check if the skin was broken but it was only bruised. The concerned receptionist asked what had happened and asked what the dog had looked like.

Still shaking, Matt made me eat some chicken and we discussed what would make a dog that didn't growl or bark, make a grab at my leg and not the fresh, tasty chicken that was in Matt's hand. Matt suggested my flappy Indian trousers and I had to agree it was possible, although they may have also saved me from a better aimed bite.

Then the rain started. There was no pitter patter leading up to a steady beat but simply a big crash that didn't stop ringing. It was the first rain we'd seen in so long and the first taste of air even slightly fresher than that in a steam room, so we ran outside and got drenched. The receptionist and surrounding locals looked a bit bemused to see me opened armed and face-to-the-sky when they were all fleeing inside but it couldn't have come at a better time than for me.

We needed to get some clothes adjusted and Matt wanted to have his hair cut so the lady owner of the hostel sent her younger sister to show us where the best place for a hair cut was. The rain susbsided a little and gave us an excuse to carry a big brolly for protection but I was still super-nervous walking to the alleyway of the dog.

The girl asked the barber for some magazines of sample haircuts so that Matt could select one and explained that he would be next in line if he sat and waited. We'd passed an old man with a sewing machine sat on the corner of the street and I asked her to help me to explain to him what needed to be done to the clothes. It was fairly straight forward despite the numerous requests of what the clothes needed and I was soon back in the barber shop.

Matt was sat looking at very dated pictures of hairstyles, including a few punky numbers and the odd mullet, but had narrowed it down to a few. I took a picture of the one we wanted so we could compare it to the later result.

When Matt's turn came he sat in the chair and took off his glasses. He said it was so they didn't get in the way but I think he just didn't want to look! The barber was very lovely and completely helpful, miming questions about what was required and checking with me that he was doing what we wanted. The range of tools that he used, far exceeded the number that had been used on Matt's hair over his entire lifetime and about half an hour later, something was starting to take shape. The barber in Belper seemed not to know what to do with long hair and generally gave Matt something approximating a 'bob', but this guy was doing a cracking job.

After a final trimming of the length at the back, he moved on to Matt's beloved beard. It was soon very short and looking great so we asked him to go one step further give the bottom section around Matt's neck, a closer shave. Out came the cut-throat and within an hour we had a very new looking, slightly covered in baby powder, Matt. The guy who was patiently waiting his turn in line gave it a big thumbs up and the barber agreed to pose for a photo with his new work of art.

When we went to pay, the barber held up his hand to show five fingers. Matt said that it must been 50 baht but since that was such a small sum, I found that very unlikely. I wasn't thinking properly and scrapped around to find 500 baht to pay him. When I handed over the money he just laughed at me and handed it back. Turns out a hunky new Matty only costs £1! Bargain!

We had to go back to the hostel so Matt could have a shower to get rid of all the fine hairs that were sticking to him and we were half way there when we realised that we'd forgotten our brolly. The barber looked very relieved to see us and pointed towards where he had hung it for safekeeping.

There was no sign of the dog on the way back but I still didn't fancy risking another run-in so we chilled out for a while in our air-conditioned room and looked at making a few plans. We wanted to go for a Thai massage and had thought we might visit the one recommended on the wall at the hostel in the evening.
We were joined in our room by a big French guy who had a flat in Thailand and was just hanging around without a job at all. He recommended a different, significantly cheaper massage place so we thought we'd give that a try. It was so cheap that even if it was rubbish, we wouldn't have lost much if we then went to the posh place too.

I had a quick conversation with the owner of the hostel who told me that she had had to call City Hall to report the dog. I explained that it was probably only playing because it had not given us any warning but she was unconvinced, explaining that many dogs went mad in the heat and had to be dealt with. I tried to persuade her to tell me that the dog would go on doggy holiday but I could tell from her face that it wasn't the case. Poor dog. I'm sure he didn't mean it.

The massage place was over a pizza shop but looked pretty ok when we walked in. We selected our massage from the board and were taken upstairs to a darkened room, where there were a series of 'beds' on the floor. We were led past the lady being contorted by a strapping great masseur and told to put on some pyjamas. It felt a little like a visit to an odd hospital when she drew the curtain around each of our individual beds.

We changed and opened the curtains between us, whispering and giggling a little when two woman turned up. They had a short discussion about which one of us to take and I was assigned the young one, while Matt got the older one with her wrist in an elasticated bandage.

They started work straight away, working the muscles in our calves in a non-too-comfortable way. They both had slightly different sequences and I kept glancing over at Matt, wondering how he was coping with the drastic techniques and hoping that my lady was a little more gentle with me. Seconds later, I was chuckling uncontrollably as this tiny lady put her hands on my thighs at either side of my groin and then leaned all of her weight onto it. She did not miss a beat and continued on while I tried to compose myself. It was so uncomfortable, tender, alien and not at all funny but I struggled to to stop. Eventually I got my breathing into shape but still could not relax. It did not help that  we were so vulnerable and both women constantly talked to one another, most likely about us.

We were manipulated, twisted, crawled on, cracked, pressed, poked and pummelled for the next 40 mins until both ladies held their palms together, bowed their heads, thanked us and left. We grinned and grimaced at each other in the darkness and tried to dress in silence as the woman next to us continued to whimper, gasp and murmer behind her curtain.

I did not feel any more relaxed or an less achey than before we had gone in and my feet still throbbed and so we decided to stay for a foot massage. Matt was a little hesistant after his first experience of a massage but I persuaded him that this time would be less intrusive.

The ladies had swopped and the bandage had come off so both of us were a little more comfortable. Unfortunately, my lady was the manager of the place and now we were downstairs in the the reclining chairs next to the reception, she was a lot more distracted and kept stopping to deal with other things.
Nevertheless, the massage felt much more like the tension relief that I needed, especially when it was completed with a quick shoulder and head massage - and just one weird little crack of course.

As we walked back to the Metro, Matt was still not convinced about the massage as a whole but I felt a little better.  Although we both resolved to try again later but pay more cash next time. We had planned to see more of Bangkok's evening sights but were hungry and so decided to give the seedier side a miss and go to find the duck noodles we'd been told about. Despite a long search we didn't find them, but we did find our first genuine Thai curry so weren't too disappointed.

Just after we'd returned to the hotel, a girl turned up to check in. The hostel only had opening hours of 7am to 9pm and so there was no-one there to assign her a room or a key. We felt a bit awkward letting her in but since no-one was answering the phone number left on reception, we couldn't just leave her outside. We weren't sure she understood the problem because she kept looking at Matt like he was being difficult. Luckily, a girl from the female dorm, Lauren, was in the commom room chatting to Anderson (a guy from our dorm) and so she let her into the room.

I spent some time talking to Lauren after Matt and Anderson went to bed. She was really lovely and was very brave to be travelling on her own at 19. She's left her boyfriend behind and come to explore (mostly the beaches of) Cambodia and Thailand. She was interesting to talk to because she shared many of the ambitions I'd had at the same age but had perhaps done a little bit more about them.